Monday, April 5, 2010

No more Ad's

I finally got around to removing Ad-Sense from IPHY - I had been meaning too for awhile since;

1. I hate Ad's
2. I did not pay attention to what I had to do to get paid


3. I never accumulated enough Ad revenue to make it worth figuring out.

That's right, I actually took steps to reduce the content on a site that I already don't have enough time to add content to.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Holy Shit! Ricky Martin Is Gay....

Seriously - is anyone really shocked? The only way this guy could be anymore obviously gay is if he walked around with a dick in his mouth and had to spit it out to make this announcement.

This is like when Rosie O'Donnell came out.

Monday, December 21, 2009

Ashton Kutcher is all :( that Brittney Murphey Died

If it were physically possible for me to cry Ashton Kutcher's touching farewell to Brittney Murphey would have had tears streaming down my face like a rape victim  sad princess.

Today Ashton got on twitter and pushed the following prose out to the universe;

"2day the world lost a little piece of sunshine. My deepest condolences go out 2 Brittany's family, her husband, & her amazing mother Sharon."

 But wait there's more - he followed with;

"see you on the other side kid."

Damn twitter for limiting the amount of characters you can put into a message ... but then again I don't think they intended it to be used to deliver a eulogy for a former girlfriend. All I know is that he must have really loved her  to go out of his way to twitter something about her death. 

I think you can do less .... somehow. I would h8 to be as :( as he must be. 

Oh and if you happen to read this Ashton - what I wrote may be a little subtle for you - basically I am saying you are a dick. 

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

So ... Tiger hates condoms but loves whores..... sounds smart

So alot of the stuff I am glossing over says that Tiger went bareback with the (nearly) dozen sluts we know about ..... God knows how many we don't know about. This leads me to believe either;

a - he is invulnerable and cannot be infected by any human STD.


b - he is fucking retarded.

Yeah.... one or the other.

Get gifts for them and cashback for you. Try Bing now.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

IPHY Format Change

For the dozens of people that accidentally stumble onto my site I figured I should mention that I am changing the format so that I can continue to fill the internet with vile crap.

Some of my posts will now be shorter or done through a mobile device (so will not have a picture - until I figure out how to do that.)


Happy Holidays My Ass

So the other day I was talking to a fellow manager at the corporation that was stupid enough to make me the manager of a department and he mentioned that he only tells people 'Happy Holidays' because saying 'Merry Christmas' is too exclusionary and he didn't want to offend anyone.

I laughed and told him he was a gigantic pussy and he was the reason that America is going in the toilet...... conversation kind of tapered off at that point.

I kept thinking about it though.

Who the hell is he worried about offending? The only people I know who would be offended by someone wishing them a 'Merry Christmas' are other gigantic pussies and atheists.

I used to have a Muslim coworker - and if he would have wished me a happy Ramadan I wouldn't have been offended, I would have been delighted that he was not calling me an intolerant asshole for once. If someone right now came up and wished me a happy Hanukkah I would wish it right back at em. I don't think I know a single Jew or Muslim that is offended that I celebrate Christmas, I know some Christian's that get offended by the fact that I celebrate it in a strip club - but that is a whole different thing.

If I got offended that a Muslim told me 'Happy Ramadan' he would think I was a dick, and he would be right. Not only that - if I was offended by his Ramadan greetings the world would brand me an intolerant bigot, and honestly I don't think that would be out of line. So why in the hell do people expect others to be offended by 'Merry Christmas"?

Recently some Best Buy in Detroit put out an ad that wished everyone a happy Eid-al Adha - which made some people all butthurt, but - honestly - does anyone sane give a shit? I hope everyone did have a happy Eid-al Adha, and I presume most Muslims hope that I have a kick-ass Christmas. For that matter I hope you have an uneventful Tet and a happy day celebrating whatever crazy shit Scientologist's have a day for.

I would really be interested in knowing if I have this all wrong, and if other faiths are actually pissed when they see Christmas trees and decorations all over the place this time of year. I honestly don't give a shit if the streets look like Christmas, Hanukkah, and Ramadan exploded all over societies proverbial face. Crosses, Santa's, Dreidels, and uh ....something Ramadan-ish (there actually is not a set decoration for Ramadan it turns out). The point is I don't give a crap what holiday you decide to celebrate and I would expect the same consideration.

I honestly think that the only people all that worried about Christmas being exclusionary are douches with an agenda to push that honestly don't give a crap about inclusion - they just want a vehicle to prove how intolerant/racist/fascist America is.

So Merry Christmas - and if that offends you then suck it.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

I don't have alot of time anymore.....

Someone was recently stupid enough in the 'suit' world to put me in charge. That means I have less time to write about how much I hate reality TV or go into detail about which celebrities or female superheros I would want to put my penis in.

I am still going to post here and at hubpages  - just not as often till I break the will of all those who oppose me.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Is Somalia Going Too Far?

Never let it be said that I am not a fan of firm breasts, however I think we all agree there needs to be sane limits on breast regulation....

Residents tell the paper that (al Shabaab) gunmen have been gathering women in Mogadishu who are perceived to have firm busts. 

Ok, so I guess all of us are not in agreement.Can we at least make this something where no one goes overboard on the punishment?

These women are then publicly whipped by masked men as punishment for what Islamist leaders call deception.

Publicly whipped for having breasts that are not up to al Shabaab's high standards, I hope that they at least let the women they publicly whip for having deficient (to the men of al Shabaab) breasts keep some small dignity.

After the public whippings, the women are forced to remove their bras and shake their breasts, the Times reported.

Classy.... really classy. Fuck you Somalia, I can see why tourism is down.

On a somewhat related note don't go to Somalia if you like movies, musical ring-tones, dancing at weddings, or playing or watching soccer. You will only be disappointed .... well if you're lucky you will only be disappointed.

Oh and the picture above has almost nothing to do with the story - I needed a picture of a woman in a burqua but I like the sexy .... this seemed like a reasonable compromise.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

A book so vulgar it kicked John Davis in his vagina

Who the fuck is John Davis and why does his vagina hurt? I'm glad you asked.

John Davis is a father in Vinton Virginia who is very, very, butthurt about his son reading the book 'Perks of Being a Wallflower" by Stephan Chbosky, which according to John is filled with "very descriptive" language about masturbation, drugs, and the gay. Reading this will, of course, lead an impressionable young man to masturbating another guy while doing lines of coke off the back of another guy that he's making sweet buttlove to.

"My first reaction when I saw the contents of the book was anger," Davis told "I was infuriated .....They're corrupting his mind with this garbage."

That is what books do - first they corrupt you ....then they control you.

Back in 4th grade I had to read "The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe" and I started hanging out with talking lions and killing witches. This book is (I guess) even worse and society cannot have schools giving impressionable young children books that are going to make them use drugs or give them the gay.

Of course in this case there are a few things that differ from my sad childhood literary rape. In this case John's son is fucking sixteen years old and, oh yeah, the school did not assign this book to the students. In this case he got the book from a friend of his that had gotten the book from a teacher. Why did the teacher give the book to the original student? Who cares - let his parents worry about it.

Hey - remember when you were sixteen and you read a book and it inspired you to do something that was totally against your upbringing? Me neither - because it never frigging happened.

Why is it that the people who are raised in the most 'moral' fundamentalist Christian households seem to always need the most protection from the evils of society? I remember born-again Christians being afraid that porn, Dungeons and Dragons, and the group Styx was going to totally corrupt their kid and lead them to murder or suicide or both. I personally think it's because they live in a community where they are constantly told what to think and that combined with the fact that they embrace magical thinking (i.e. The Devil is always who screws up things in your life) leads to a group of people with very weak wills. Think I am full of crap? Go see how many stories you can find about secular people being possessed.

I have nothing against Born Again Christian's when they are not all full of crazy. I have known a bunch and some seem normal, but I also know many that think anytime something goes wrong it is not their fault - it is The Devil. I suppose some people find comfort in assuming that nothing they do is ever within their control.

But I digress...

If this book had been required reading I could see John's point, he should have the right to determine what is appropriate for his kid, this however was not the case. Of course now that the ball is rolling maybe John wants to protect us all;

"I don't think it's age-appropriate for anyone," he said. "I don't think adults should be reading that junk. It's pornography.

Hey John - piss off. Censorship is for small minded little nancey-boys; if there is something you don't want to read, watch, or hear you can be a big boy and make that choice - but you don't get to make that choice for me.

John should really take this whole thing up with his kid - it has nothing to do with anyone else.

Monday, October 5, 2009

Jon Gosselin Clears The Family Bank Account - My last Jon and Kate Story

Over the weekend Jon has initiated part 3 of his plan for winning the hearts and minds of his children and the world;

Jon violated an arbitrator's rules and pulled hundreds of thousands of dollars out of his joint account with Kate, leaving her with only $1,000, a investigation uncovered.

This is where I would talk about what a total scumbag this guy is ....I know that you already know he is dick - but humor me.

I seriously get the impression (based on nothing other then hearsay and Internet clips) that Kate is a raving bitch, but maybe the reason she is like that is she regularly had sex with this sleazy prick. Maybe she thought if she married a mildly retarded loser that looks like his has been hit with a wee bit of a birth defect that he would make up for all of it by being a really nice guy with alot of inner beauty.

Good call. Instead he cheated on her, got her show delayed, cleared out her bank account, and probably gave her VD (I admit that last one is pure conjecture).

Let this be a lesson to all you teenage girls, no matter how ugly and stupid your boyfriend is he may not stick around after you have had a couple litters of children - so maybe just have kids in the traditional singles and doubles instead of the new trendy 'party size' litters. It is alot easier to be a single mother when you don't have more than half a dozen kids.

In his defense he probably needs the money until he starts getting the $30,ooo per appearance he wants in exchange for showing up at events and hanging out (here). Totally worth it - nothing says your party is a success like having a sleazy reality 'star' hanging out trying to hit on girls that would not usually bother to spit on him. Maybe he will even do that classy thing where he has one of his bodyguards walk over and ask a girl if she wants to have a drink with him. Pure fucking class.

Oh and congratulations Jon and Kate, you lasted about as long as the Spencer and Heidi Pratt did on my blogs. I am officially too bored to write anything else, so unless there is a bizarre murder or suicide or something I am not going to bother. I'm not making suggestions here btw - so if someone gets killed in this whole thing don't come blaming me.... or thanking me ... or whatever.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

If Jon Gosselin can't be on the show NO ONE WILL

I guess Jon's attempts to reconcile (here) didn't work and now it is time for plan B.

"Effective immediately, no production crews are to enter Jon's family home for any reason," a letter from his attorney said, according to "The Insider," which announced the news on CBS' "The Early Show."

I can't really blame him, he went all out and wrote that whole press release about wanting to save their marriage in time for him to be back on the show this season and he has given Kate a couple of days to take him back. What the hell else do you need?

He HAD to move to plan B and try to stop the show. Don't you people understand that love makes you do crazy shit? Where else is he going to get a television show?

It completes him... oh and the wife and kids he loves etc. etc.

I don't watch the show, but seeing these two in the media gives me the impression that they are both greedy, manipulative, narcissistic, asshats that probably should have had therapy to deal with whatever the hell made them this way instead of popping out two litters of kids.

But then what the hell do I know? I haven't even been on a reality show much less been the focus of one.

I am on Jon's side in this one though, I think the show should be cancelled too.