Father of the Year

I tried pretty hard not to totally shit on Michael Jackson's death a few days ago (not to mention Elvis) but it turns out I needn't have bothered. Joe Jackson, Jesse Jackson (no relation), and Al Sharpton have decided they they would go ahead and shit on MJ's death just prior to dividing up and consuming the corpse. 

They started the healing process with a press conferance full of crazy - some of the healing is quoted below;

• Joe Jackson says the funeral will not be closed to the public, as his son would likely have wanted a similar type of service.
  
• In a bizarre move that came across as self-serving, Jackson bookended the press conference not with news on his son's death but with plugs for a new musical endeavor—something called Ranch Records.
  
• "[MJ's Kids] are happy with the kids that they're around ... We have kids back there who are small just like they are. They [were] never around other kids," Jackson said.
  
• "We love those kids still," he said. "We're going to take care of them and give them the education they're supposed to have. We can do that.

It is fucking heatwarming the way they 'still' love his kids - I just hope none of them can sing or dance or Joe is going to shove a bit into their mouth and ride them into the ground before sharing their corpses with those other two ghouls.

I presume they followed that up with funeral preparations - just normal stuff like getting T-Shirts printed up, getting kickbacks from vendors who want to set up booths, setting the price of admission, and I presume considering any other way they can possibly make money from this ... I would not be suprised to be able to buy jewlery made of his bones. Oh - and a commemorative coin has to be on the way but I cannot blame that on them ... apperantly the Franklin Mint has decided that the really classy way to handle anything is to put it on real Liberian Currency. Just once I want to walk into a Liberian mini-mart and buy a coke with a handful of Elvis and Obama coins - this would be followed up with me dodging their machettes and AIDS to make my heroic escape. 

Yeah -- that about wraps it up.

Link to the father of the year;

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,529478,00.html

Can the next vote be to execute them?

I cannot recall ever watching the E! network but they had a viewer vote that resulted in the banning of Spencer Pratt and his better half (which says how fucking horrific he is) Heidi from further coverage - so the network must not be too bad. Speaking of Heidi - I don't know where the picture above came from, but I expect it was taken right after she saw clearly for the first time the type of person she was. I guess the moment passed.

With any luck someone can now take it one step further and get something into the next national election to have these two annoying retards fired into the sun, or thrown into Mt Doom,  or whatever the hell you do to kill 'reality stars'. Honestly I think as long as the execution was public these two whores wouldn't even be all that upset about their impending doom. 

At the very least I would like to see the two of them banned from T.V. until one of the networks get on board for my amazing reality show "Celebrity Saw Titanic Monkey Fight' that has been my dream to make for roughly two weeks.

By the time I finished this update I was so bored I almost for got to post the link;

http://www.3news.co.nz/News/Spencer-Pratt-and-Heidi-Montag-banned-from-network/tabid/418/articleID/110527/cat/55/Default.aspx

Michael Jackson lost the ranch but bought a farm

So - I don't know if you have heard or not but Michael Jackson died yesterday. I only heard because it has been on news pretty much non-stop and apparently some of my 'friends' on Facebook worshipped him, which is news to me. Given the fact that if I saw him walking up the street I would have shot him in the head (not because he is an acquitted pedophile - because he looks like a fucking zombie) I am only shocked that he did not die sooner. It honestly would not shock me if it turns out he died eight years ago and just did not stop walking until now. 

Alot of people are comparing this to when Elvis died - and I think there is alot of justice to that. 

Both of them had a huge impact on music when they were younger which gave both of them alot more gravitas in the music/entertainment industry then was warranted when they were older. 

Both of them went from being attractive talented young men to being fucking weirdo's of the type usually only seen in old timey carnival sideshows. 

Both of them did not end up playing out the end of their careers in Vegas - but MJ was at one point in talks to be a resident performer in Vegas and was arrested for child molestation there. So that is kind of another similarity. 

I would not trust either of them with my kid - but for different reasons. 

In the end it probably would have been better for both of these guys if they would have died sooner - they both lived long enough to stain their incredible legacies. I am trying very hard not to shit on them both in this post. 

Anyway - so long MJ .... I guess God just needed a.... whatever the fuck you are. 

I posted a picture from back before he was a zombie - oh and I was going to post a link to the story but seriously - you can't fucking swing a dead cat without hitting an article about it. 

This is old news but...

Megan Fox ignored some chunky kid with a flower - yadda yadda - it has been covered by all the sites that are better than mine. 

The only reason I am posting this is they keep showing the (hot) picture above and for some reason instead the picture making me think about having some form of sex with (or near) Megan Fox it just keeps making me think of the movie 'Bad Santa'. I am sure this kid is not the train wreck that the kid from the movie is - but it keeps bringing me there ... and I am not complaining because it makes me laugh but.... 

Maybe I will just crop him out of the picture. 

WTF? People are still talking about this?

Perez Hilton said he was sorry that he used that word 'Faggot' but that Will.I.Am still is one ... or something like that.

Seriously why does anyone care - the only thing that is surprising in all this is that more people have not smacked around Perez sooner. Honestly I blame society - if we were not so fucking PC in America these days Perez would have had his attitude beaten out of him back in Jr. High.

Following my long standing tradition of not posting pictures of Perez Hilton (ugly people make me sad) please enjoy the somewhat related picture above - guess Perez would have liked to bump into Archie on that day ....get it? Because it sounds like he masturbated all 3 or those guys... I got nothing.

Link to the story - I am not gonna read it but you might...

http://www.nydailynews.com/gossip/2009/06/24/2009-06-24_perez_hilton_apologizes_for_gay_slur_but_says_sticks_stones__and_punches__hurt_w.html

Actions have consequences? ... who knew!?

I have a pretty simple policy that does not allow me to post pictures of Perez Hilton - that also extends to Madonna and the "Two Girls One Cup" video. Pretty much in that order. Enjoy more Wonder Woman - God knows I will when I am alone.

So Perez Hilton decided it was ok to call Will.I.Am a 'faggot' - it ended with him being smacked around and that lead to the following explosion of twittering;

PerezHilton: I’m in shock. I need the police ASAP. Please come to the SoHo Metropolitan Hotel now. Please.

PerezHilton: I was assaulted by Will.I.Am of the Black Eyed Peas and his security guards. I am bleeding. Please, I need to file a police report. No joke.

PerezHilton: Still waiting for the police. The bleeding has stopped. I need to document this. Please, can the police come to the SoHo Met Hotel.

PerezHilton: I spoke to my lawyer. I really need to talk to the authorities. Please come to the SoHo Met Hotel. Have called the police. Need them here.

Remember this 'Fun Fact' kids - twitter is not the best way to call for help. I know that if someone whipped out their cellphone while I was kicking their ass and started typing away on their tiny qwerty keyboard while crying hysterically it would just make me want to kick them more ... hell if anything it would let me know that I had exactly infinity minutes before the police came. He might as well have tried to shine a bat-signal on a cloud with one of those keychain flashlights.

Given my knowledge of the law it is my opinion that Perez got pretty much what was coming to him. Next time I hope he gets mouthy with someone with less restraint - like Chris Brown ... I bet Rihanna is not going to be getting mouthy with him again.

On a related note - I hope that Chris Brown tries his shit on someone with less vagina then Rihanna - like Bruce Willis, or Mr. T or .... that big Transformer that turns into a spaceship or ..... well you know what the fuck I mean.

Link below because I did not make it to that 'award' show;

http://www.kxmc.com/News/Nation/395379.asp

Hey Gay-People - I am here to help.

 The gays have long aspired to have the same rights as other people; the ability to work, fight in wars, and even the right to marry each other. Whether gays are making us laugh on TV, teaching us how to dress, or making the military a little more fabulous they have made great strides working their way into the televisions and hearts of straight people everywhere. The one thing they have not accomplished is keeping enough people on board to give them the final ultimate right, the right to briefly marry and then divorce the person of their choice – just like 'normal' people. Now, as a thank you from us straight guys for teaching us how to look just a little more super, I want to give you a couple ideas to help you keep reaching toward the stars!

1.   For the love of God stop having gay pride parades. 
Everyone loves a parade, but please keep in mind that you want people to think that you are ready for the ultimate commitment of marriage – we are talking the most important decision you will make (two or more times on average) in your life. A parade can do more to set you back than anything else – just ask the Irish, the Saint Patrick’s day parade almost prevented them from being able to vote in this country, and all they did was get piss drunk and fight each other in the streets. It makes it hard for us to think you are really serious about the solemn vows of heterosexuality’s greatest invention when you have an entire parade of men in ass-less chaps walking pet midgets, riding unicycles, and doing Broadway dance routines. By the way, any of these activities would probably be fine if you were wearing something else - maybe Dockers and a nice polo shirt. 

2.   Pick better representatives. 
We all understand how hard this can be, just ask black America and they will tell you, but this has to be addressed as soon as possible. You need better representation in the media, and don’t tell us you don’t have the personnel available because we have all seen trannys (or is ladyboy the politically correct term?) on The Maury Povich show that made us briefly question how important a vagina is to sex. You guys pretty much own the media – why you did not get Tom Cruise and John Travolta to be your spearhead couple back in the early 90’s will always be a mystery. You have got to get some people in front of us to make us think that gay marriage is not just a good idea but the best idea ever. To be fair it looks like you tried, you sent in your lesbians first which is always a good move when dealing with us ‘Normals’ but you made a tragic misstep and sent your grizzled old commanders instead of your front line fighters. Remember – image, image, image. 
          
This couple won in the courts

BUT             


This couple wins our hearts and minds

Now no one is saying you can't be fabulous - just be a little less fabulous until you get the whole marriage thing rolling ... then you can go back to having your parades be just as fucking bat-shit crazy as you want. 

 

Migraine headache brings (un)popular site to a halt

No - I did not have the good sense to give up blogging (like I presume the majority of bloggers do) but am under attack from the migraine fairy (pictured above).

I will update again when I don't alternate between wanting to vomit from the pain and nausea and .... well there is really no other thing to alternate with that. 

Madonna steals another baby

Nothing in heaven or earth can compel me to post a picture of Madonna, and keep in mind I just posted a picture of Chastity Bono this morning - so yeah. Instead enjoy the picture of Wonder Woman fighting her way through all odds to get to the one thing that can save the world ... my penis. 

Oh - and Madonna was able to steal another baby, I did not bother to read the article but I presume she flew down on her ragged harpy wings and carried it off in her talons or something. 

"It's the early hours in New York now but my client has been awake all night waiting for this," Madonna's Malawi lawyer, Alan Chinula, tells PEOPLE

Link is below,

http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20284827,00.html

So wait... Is Chastity Bono changing into a woman?

So all I really read about this is the following headline from the AP;

Chastity Bono announces sex change

Does this mean she is changing back into a woman? Does this mean she is adding a second penis to be some kind of new UBER man that will rule all of us that only have one penis and one set of testicles? Did this already happen and the story is just late coming out? 

Seriously, what the hell? Is this 'Gender Confusion' thing all the kids are talking about mean that you are confused about someone's gender? If so than I guess I am suffering from gender confusion. 

Link below if you want to try to make some sense of it. 

http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5ivbyADM3z60OqCt8RH5gjRzeyqHgD98OQMQ00

Don't let PC make you it's bitch

I am not talking about the chunky pale guy in the bad suit who argues with the Mac guy, but actually the title would apply to that as well. You do not want ol' PC doing the scene from 'Deliverance' on you.

Three radio DJ's in Sacramento I never heard of on a radio station I never listen to said some shit about Transgendered people that I have not met.

The on-air personalities of the "Rob, Arnie & Dawn" show on 98.5 KRXQ-FM have been off air this week after heated reaction to comments made May 28 about transgender teens. On that broadcast, disc jockeys Rob Williams and Arnie States labeled transgender people freaks, weirdos and drama queens.

This would not usually be something I would give two shits about, and honestly I only barely care - but there is nothing else that has caught my interest yet this morning. The interesting (ish) part of this story is that the three of them were then suspended from their jobs and had to come back on the air and apologize for it -- which they did, profusely and on bended knee(s).

"I want you to very clearly understand that I proudly and fully apologize for those comments completely."

As all of us remember (because it was covered by the media as if alien life had been discovered) former Miss California Carrie something-or-other also got into a big controversy for saying that she did not believe in gay marriage (as opposed to opposite marriage - whatever the hell that is) which put Perez Hilton's big panties in a wad.

Now I don't know what part of America some of these people grew up in, but I presume it was full of Care Bears and rainbows. In the part of America I grew up in you went to places like public school to learn that if you are a fat pale weird homo (Perez, looking in your direction) you need to develop a thick skin and not let every little thing someone says bother you -- especially since I just listed four separate reasons why Perez Hilton would have been made fun of at my High School. Same goes if you are a boy who tapes it back and buys a prom dress or a girl who has a mullet and wears alot of flannel. Or for that matter one of those pimply kids that like math and talk about Star Trek and dragons - the ones most of us now work for.

Believe me, I've got nothing against the gays. I don't want anyone to be physically harmed or chased with torches. I am all for letting you have all the same rights as me. You want to marry a dude that's your business - hell marry 3 dudes I don't give a shit. For that matter you want to be a polygamist and have a half dozen wives (not child brides) then God love you. Hell if you want to marry a rock or tree send me the invite and let me know where you are registered. Cross dress all you like - screw it, go all out and dress as a different gender and species. There are really not enough transgendered unicorns covered in glitter - so do that.

See, the thing is my life is not impacted by who you marry, who you love, or what you put in your mouth.

So gays, trannys (or ladyboys if you prefer), fatties, geeks, polygamists (Mormon or otherwise), litigious religious fanatics that fear Xenu, various ethnicity's, or whoever else you are - if you are a citizen then be proud of whatever shit you are into and leave me the hell out of it.

But don't ask me not to talk shit about it. You have the option of not paying the least bit of attention to me or saying some shit back - or going all old school and shit and throwing down with me ... I suppose a dance off or rap battle might also be allowable, however I think the dance off gives you an unfair advantage.

Grow a thicker skin - just because you are a ladyboy (or tranny if you prefer) does not mean you have to be a sissy.

-IPHY Fun Fact- All of my friends are either total right wing wackjobs or left wing commies, this post will probably piss off both. Yay!!

I don't get it

So I guess Great White Sharks need to be protected for some reason? I am pretty sure the whole point of 'Jaws' was that they eat people attack boats and need to die. 

Last week, Jessica Alba plastered posters of a great white shark  across different spots in Downtown Oklahoma City.  These locations included Stage Center and a railroad overpass near Bricktown.  And she did it all to bring awareness to the dwindling great white shark population.

I am still new to this whole 'Green' thing, and it only makes any sense at all to me when I am looking at Miranda Kerr tied to a tree (see below - it is regrettably not as creepy as it sounds), but this sounds like we are trying to protect nature's serial killer. 

I like Jessica Alba - but she is going to have to be alot more naked before this starts making any sense to me. 

P.S. She said she was sorry later, and she should be - those sharks want to kill you and everything you believe in. Or maybe she was sorry about the posters ... I dunno - I kind of space out when celebrities make speakie sounds like they are people. 

My crack team of detectives did not bust this one wide open in time so the link to the story I read is below

http://www.thelostogle.com/2009/06/08/jessica-alba-vandalized-downtown-oklahoma-city-seriously/