Miss Universe Contest might be manipulated by Donald Trump - oh and water is wet..

Michael Schwandt (the choreographer of the Miss Universe Pageant) is claiming that Donald Trump picks the 15 Miss Universe finalists and then lets the judges pick the winner from among that stock. Reportedly he does this because in the past he feels that the judges were to stupid to tell who the hottest swimsuit models were.

This is shocking why?

I always assumed that Miss Universe was rigged, if not by Trump then by someone. Hell I am just shocked that the deciding factor is who Trump finds prettiest instead of who will blow him - you know, like how they picked Hollywood Starlets in the old days ....yeah ... the old days.

Miss Universe and Miss America are basically just like any other reality show, the producers are framing out a story of sorts and presenting you with something they think will get ratings. This is no different than the judges in American Idol or So You Think You Can Dance, or Dancing with the (kinda) Stars pimping their favorites to try to pick the winner.

Actually it is a little different. In those shows people vote, so the judges sometimes don't get their way. In fact I would like to think that sometimes all the pimping makes the public backlash against the contestant being pimped - in this one Trump basically just gets his way.

I am not going to say anything snide about the 15 being picked before the interview and question portion of the contest because I presume we all knew that they never had an impact on the outcome of the Pageant.

Seriously is anyone fucking surprised that his other entertainment franchises are not really basically just like Celebrity Apprentice -- just be glad Joan Rivers is not competing in Miss Universe or he would probably hand her that too.

Seriously fuck Donald Trump, and if you are reading this Donald ... please don't have me killed.

Paula Abdul is off American Idol; where will contestants go for drunken rambling now!?

I could not be happier to be wrong, when I first posted about Paula Abdul having contract issues (here) I had cynically assumed it was just more stupid fabricated reality show drama but her twitter proved me wrong;

"With sadness in my heart, I've decided not to return to #IDOL. I'll miss nurturing all the new talent, but most of all ...being a part of a show that I helped from day1become an international phenomenon ... What I want to say most, is how much I appreciate the undying support and enormous love that you have showered upon me ... It truly has been breathtaking, especially over the past month ... I do without any doubt have the BEST fans in the entire world and I love you all."

I have to admit I don't give a shit about the show after they pick their top 10 or 20 or whatever it is they let people vote on. I only enjoy the sweet delicious tears of anguish that they serve in abundance during auditions and Hollywood week. Sometimes the chick I live with (my wife) makes me watch the rest, but I try my best to think about porn instead.

I don't know where the contestants are going to turn for meaningless pseudo-optimistic drivel now that they cannot rely on Paula (and Jack Daniels) to 'critique' their singing and tell them how truly special and gifted they are ... what will Paula cry for now that she can no longer do it for armature singers!!??

The only thing that could make this story better for me is if instead of a twitter she posted a you tube video so we could see both the crazy and the defeat in her gin blurred eyes.

Yeah - I do know how freaking mean I sound right now - but the sad and crazy of this woman has made me that way. If they fired this woman into the sun I promise you it would still be funny to me.

I hate myself for caring....

I think most reality shows suck ass - they started out as an intriguing idea but they were not sustainable. After the first season or two of Survivor pretty much anyone who ever wanted fifteen minutes of 'fame' started conniving to get on one of these monstrosities which in turn made these shows even more contrived than they originally were because now you not only had the producers trying to present a 'story' you also had the 'contestants' trying to create a character.

All of that is beside the point of this post - one of these days I will bore the tens of you that read this site with my very deep thoughts on Reality TV.

The point of this post is that Paula Abdul supposedly might not return to American Idol. I actually fully expect that she will be back on Idol in all her drunken glory just like she has been since the show started roughly five lifetimes ago - but for the moment her manager is trying to make it look like she won't, so I and the other idiots that pollute the Internet kind of have to pretend it might be true for a second.

Still the whole thing kind of reminds me of a promotion the company that makes Trix cereal did back in 1988 (no I did not remember the fucking date - I had to look it up) where you could somehow vote on whether the Rabbit should get to have a bowl of Trix or not. People voted that he should get it but somehow he still got fucked out of them ....

I don't know exactly why I went this direction to make my point - but the point is that I feel like the whole 'Paula (junkie) Abdul might not be on this season' thing is just as fucking phony as the damn Trix thing I just tried to explain. It's just one more fucking contrived piece of reality show bullshit that the networks are laying on you because they think you're stupid.

Problem is when the next season of Idol starts a few million of you will prove them right by watching their fucking singing competition. I'm blameless in this by the way, I'm out once the tears run out during Hollywood week - still I would rather watch it without her fucking constant drunken verbal diarrhea. (No - it is not fucking ironic for me to say that-- because I'm sober when I write this shit)

Below is a link so you can pretend it is real too;

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,533882,00.html?test=faces

STOP THE PRESSES!!

Words cannot express my shock

After months of speculation about American Idol runner-up Adam Lambert's sexuality, the rocker tells Rolling Stone he is gay and even had a crush on winner Kris Allen.

I have not been this shocked since Clay Aiken Came out of the closet - which was nearly as shocking as when Rosie O'Donnal said she was gay.

In a related story - I still like vagina.

Link below so you do not think I am making this up (about Adam Lambert not about me liking girl parts)

http://www.wistv.com/Global/story.asp?S=10508873