Kanye West pissed off again - don't deny him chicken

So I was thinking of writing an article about illegal immigration - but it's alot easier to just write about Kanye being a douche. Fortunately for me people have not figured out that you really don't want to invite him to anything, maybe in this case though Common thought he would be ok since it was a charity benefit and there were no awards involved.

There was however chicken...

The rapper was allegedly upset over his not being offered food while in the dressing room backstage. After spotting a man eating chicken, West blurted, "Why wasn't I offered chicken? You want me to perform for free, [and] everyone is eating... why am I not eating?"

Kanye knows what he wants and in this case he wants some damn chicken. Can someone get this man some chicken?

When the waitress explained that he never asked for food, 'Ye yelled, "Well, I'm asking now!" After receiving chicken, he allegedly proceeded to take a bite and then throw the rest in the trash. Meanwhile, the rapper's beau Amber Rose, stood silent, while other celebrities backstage watched in awe.

God I wish this story would have been about Kanye wanting some fish-sticks.


Here is where you can read the article about it.

Jon still loves Kate .... all it took was getting fired to realize it.

It's so fucking touching when people realize they are still in love shortly after losing the job that was predicated on them being married. Like a fairytale with AIDS.

If you are not all up on your useless pseudo-celebrity news TLC announced today that they decided to just run 'Kate plus 8' and leave Jon out of it. I've never seen the show but I'm guessing the more cast members you eliminate the better the show is going to be.

Here is the touching crap that Jon spewed not long after hearing he was going to have to get a job.

"Even though we were heading for a divorce, it appeared that Kate had been suffering from this divorce as much as I had. That's why I asked my attorney to put the brakes on this divorce so I could try to regain control over the future of our family. So Kate and I could join on a cooperative course that would benefit our family -- not destroy it," Jon tells In Touch Weekly.

Hey Kate - remember all that shit I said ... well that was before they fired me from the show -- now I just think we need to throw on the brakes play some Berry White and make another litter of babies together. You know you wanna.

The worst part of all this is that I even know about it. Fuck you reality T.V.

Sacramento Mother attacks her kids over the last pork chop

These must have been some good fucking pork chops...

Police say Chavonna Gough got upset with her 16-year-old and 19-year-old sons for eating the last pork chop. She allegedly hit one teen in the head and then punched him in the face. After that, police say she grabbed a knife from the kitchen and chased them out of the house.

I bet you assume the picture above this article is of the family involved..... but that is because you're retarded. That up there is 50's TV MILF Donna Reed - the mother involved is actually pictured below.

Now before you go thinking I am a racist or something keep in mind - I didn't tell her to do this shit.

Insane Killer violates trust of Washington State during field trip to county fair .....wait what?

So I guess that in Washington state someone thought it would be a pretty good idea to take criminally insane murders to the county fair to hang out.

Seriously.

The field trip to the fair, which included 30 other patients, is an annual event

Amazingly enough this turned out to be a fucking stupid idea and 47 year old Phillip Paul, who is a diagnosed schizophrenic who murdered an old lady back in 1987, made a daring escape - and by 'daring escape' I mean he calmly walked away from the fair and went to a friends house to get a ride out of town.

I'm pretty sure whoever is in charge of the criminally insane in Washington state should be smarter than me, or if not smarter than me at least they should be smarter than the average child. Go ahead, ask your kid if taking an insane murderer to the fair is a good idea - not only will they say no theres a good chance they'll tell their teacher that their parent is a moron.

The only possible thing I can say for Washington state is that at least they had no indication that this guy might try to escape....

Spokane County sheriff's Detective Roger W. Knight, also nabbed Paul after he gave Eastern State personnel the slip in 1991 during a field trip in Medical Lake, where the mental institution is located, Knezovich said. Following that arrest, Paul knocked Knight unconscious in the jail booking area and was convicted of first-degree escape and second-degree assault.

....Knezovich expressed dismay that Paul aroused no suspicion when he left the mental institution with a backpack loaded with clothing, food, an electric guitar and $50 from a Social Security check.

Um....

So lets go over the checklist - criminally insane murderer whos been unfit for trial for 22 years thats attempted escape previously and attacked an officer following his last escape shows up for the field trip with a backpack full of supplies.....

Were the people in charge of the trip too busy passing around the sign up list for the big annual trip to Chuck-E-Cheese for the pedophiles to notice that this guy shouldn't be allowed to go to the fair?

They did catch three short days later...

"He stated he was 'done' and complied with their commands," he said. Knezovich added that Paul had a hand scythe — a long, curved blade attached to a handle — in his backpack but made no attempt to reach for it.

Well - at least it doesn't seem like there was any chance he would hurt anyone ... you know, other than the fact that he had picked up a scythe at some point during his 3 days of freedom. Maybe he was going to go into farming.

In light of all this Washington state has now called a halt to field trips for 'forensic patients' - which are patients in treatment due to criminal proceedings - in other words the criminally insane.

I think most people (even some of the stupid ones) would think that is a pretty good idea.

Kanye West is a Douche; the 2009 VMA Awards joins the list

I actually could have written the title of this post last week and had a pretty good chance of not having to change it. I also probably could have just titled it 'Kanye West is a douche' but I figured searching that phrase in Google would be kind of like searching the word 'The'.

This time our unstoppable force of social justice and artistic expression decided to take on the nefarious evil that is Taylor Swift after seeing she had the audacity to win the award for best female music video (i think) and actually was going to give an acceptance speech instead of an apology.

How fucking dare she.

Luckily our hero Kanye was right there to go up on stage and take the microphone, the moment, and some dignity from the 98 pound teenage girl;

Before she could continue, West broke in. “Yo Taylor, I’m really happy for you, I’ll let you finish, but Beyoncé has one of the best videos of all time. One of the best videos of all time!” Kanye shouted to a mortified Swift and the speechless audience. And as quickly as he ran onstage — MTV cut away to show Pink applauding Taylor, and when they flashed back to Swift, West already had the mic in his hand — he was off, leaving a shocked Swift in his wake.

That will teach her to make popular music and videos that appeal to people. I don't actually care about Taylor Swift, Beyonce, or who had the better video - but I have to admit that I felt pretty bad for both of them since basically after he held Taylor down and pissed on her moment he basically nodded over to Beyonce and said 'That was for you B' ... only he would have said it more angsty and artistic like.

Following him knocking a teenage girl down a peg he went back into the audience and the following took place but was not shown;

According to reports from inside the house, once cameras cut away from the action, West flipped off the crowd and returned to his seat. Wale then said to the crowd, "You can't blame a man for speaking his mind." His words were met with boos, and Wale then said, "Kanye, I tried." During the next commercial break, Pink walked by the rapper and appeared to shake her head in disgust before security escorted her away.

Fucking classy baby.

If you found his behavior shocking than it's possible you are retarded - or a moron ....I'm not sure which is the PC term for someone who is still amazed by their drunk uncle pulling a quarter from their ear or dazzled by peek-a-boo. I heard someone say "The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior" I want to say it was one of my college professors but I think it might have actually been Dr. Phil - either way it fits here.

Just take a look at what I like to call 'The Kanye West Butthurt Continuum"

• 2004 American Music Awards - Kanye losses Best New Artist to Gretchen Wilson, stomps out in protest and calls her a Redneck. He proclaims he was robbed and claims there is a massive conspiracy against him ..... I can't remember if it was all white people or just George W. Bush that was behind it.
• 2006 European Music Awards - Kanye's video 'Touch the Sky' doesn't win best video and he decides the reasonable thing to do is go onstage and take the microphone from the actual winners and rant about being robbed.
• 2007 Video Music Awards - Backstage meltdown over not getting to perform on the main stage because everyone is out to get him because he is so awesome. He was also pissed that Britney Spears opened the show instead of him.
• 2008 Video Music Awards - Gets all butthurt because Britney Spears wins Best Female Video instead of Rihanna.

And those are only the award shows - I'm sure a complete Kanye Butthurt Continuum would include a crapload more rants from; interview clips, comments at concerts, drunken rants at bars, screaming matches at fast food counters... the list would go on and on.

Keep in mind he does have a pretty valid reason for getting pissed. Kanye has pointed out time and again that he is oppressed because he's black, and how fucked up is that? Imagine for just a moment that you're an oppressed black superstar that had ONLY won 42 of the 127 awards you had been nominated for! Imagine you are Kanye and have only won 12 Grammys out of the freaking 30 you have been nominated for. What the hell!?

Can't you people, just for one second, feel his pain!?

I know some people that think part of the problem is Kanye is a racist, but I don't know that I agree with them. Kanye has compared himself to Tom Cruise in the past, and you don't get much whiter than Tom Cruise, I think he's definitely ethnocentric - but that's not the same thing. I think a truer statement would be that part of the problem is Kanye thinks everyone else is a racist.

That would explain why I've never heard of him pulling this crap at the Vibe awards, because there he can't really assume they're persecuting him because he's black ....that or the fact that someone at the Vibe awards would beat his bitch ass down the minute he tried to take the mic.

Yeah, I think the second one too.

Tila Tequila claims Shawne Merriman choked her - I'm only shocked more people haven't

Tila called police and said that Shawne (linebacker for the S.D. Chargers) choked her in an attempt to keep her from leaving his house. The call to the police was made after 3AM, which is about the time that most really drunk people decide to really kick the stupid into overdrive.

Of course Tila claims that she was completely sober and is in fact allergic to alcohol. I know what you are thinking; this tramp is named after a fucking alcoholic beverage - but she claims that the name was meant to be ironic because she never drinks. Which makes perfect sense, like how they called Ken Bianchi 'The Hillside Strangler' even though some of the women he strangled were not on hillsides.

Of course her twitter tells a bit of a different story...

Shawne basically says that she was drunk off her ass and he was just trying to keep her from getting into her car and killing somebody. I tend to believe him based on the fact that it's Tila Tequila who from appearances seems to be a pathetic attention whore who is mostly famous for being a doing particulary trashy reality shows where she tries to decide if she is bisexual or not.

Not to mention the fact that Shawne is roughly the size of a house, I am a pretty tough guy but if he wanted me to stay at his house I don't think I would have alot of choice in the matter. If he wanted to keep Tila at his house I am pretty sure there would have been no call to the cops ... or anyone else for that matter. He is pictured below with what I presume is a normal sized man.

I want to go firmly on the record that I am against violence against women, I was pretty pissed that Chris Brown got off easy for giving his girlfriend a half hour long beating, but if Shawne did choke her a little bit I think we should give him a pass. I actually am surprised that pretty much anyone that is the least bit familiar with her doesn't run up and choke her. Hell I am just shocked that there isn't some kind of line you have to get in to do it.

Just like everything else with me this goes back to reality T.V. - which is what made me aware of this annoying bitch in the first place. I lost my point so time to stop writing.

You can read a news article about all this here is you really care.

Uncle Hatey is probably going to make you cry ... oh and he might make your ass bleed

My best friend in the world Uncle Hatey has decided to start a blog which you can read here which should be filled with good stuff.... especially if being anally raped by words is good stuff to you.

I should be updating more often again now that I have been cleared of all charges by the way.

Miss Universe Contest might be manipulated by Donald Trump - oh and water is wet..

Michael Schwandt (the choreographer of the Miss Universe Pageant) is claiming that Donald Trump picks the 15 Miss Universe finalists and then lets the judges pick the winner from among that stock. Reportedly he does this because in the past he feels that the judges were to stupid to tell who the hottest swimsuit models were.

This is shocking why?

I always assumed that Miss Universe was rigged, if not by Trump then by someone. Hell I am just shocked that the deciding factor is who Trump finds prettiest instead of who will blow him - you know, like how they picked Hollywood Starlets in the old days ....yeah ... the old days.

Miss Universe and Miss America are basically just like any other reality show, the producers are framing out a story of sorts and presenting you with something they think will get ratings. This is no different than the judges in American Idol or So You Think You Can Dance, or Dancing with the (kinda) Stars pimping their favorites to try to pick the winner.

Actually it is a little different. In those shows people vote, so the judges sometimes don't get their way. In fact I would like to think that sometimes all the pimping makes the public backlash against the contestant being pimped - in this one Trump basically just gets his way.

I am not going to say anything snide about the 15 being picked before the interview and question portion of the contest because I presume we all knew that they never had an impact on the outcome of the Pageant.

Seriously is anyone fucking surprised that his other entertainment franchises are not really basically just like Celebrity Apprentice -- just be glad Joan Rivers is not competing in Miss Universe or he would probably hand her that too.

Seriously fuck Donald Trump, and if you are reading this Donald ... please don't have me killed.