Hey Chris Brown how are the anger managment classes going?

So Chris Brown got pissed at ... well ... something at a bowling alley...

"He definitely looked like he was being forced to leave, like his friends knew it was in his best interest," says the eyewitness. "He was acting kind of crazy, partying too much, and making moves on a really young-looking girl."

Notice that he took the time to hit on a young girl on the way out - looks like some lucky lady is going to be treated like a star .... an R&B star.

Yeah I know the joke sucked, but that is why I don't usually update on Fridays. Anyone dating Chris Brown should probably learn the chart above.

Link below;

http://entertainment.blogs.foxnews.com/2009/07/31/586/?test=faces

Stimulus money to support Pornography

But only artistic porn, you know the type that only really screwed up kinky wackjobs get off on. I am all for doing pretty much anything to promote porn - except pay for it. Apparently the government has not heard of the Internet - hey Barrack, you can get all the porn you want for free just email me and I will hook you up with some good sites.

This is what some of your tax money paid for;

A few of their more risque choices have some taxpayer advocates hot under the collar, including a $50,000 infusion for the Frameline film house, which recently screened Thundercrack, "the world's only underground kinky art porno horror film, complete with four men, three women and a gorilla."

Honestly who wants to see an orgy with four men three women and a gorilla?

Ok well, I guess when you put it like that I want to see it.... but mostly just out of curiosity not to masturbate ....probably.

Seriously, I can get plenty of porn without the government kicking down any money - and this artistic shit sounds a little out there even by my standards. If you really just want to fund something in the arts how about a contemporary dance ensemble or a Taiko group, is that not edgy enough for stimulus money?

Here is a link to the whole article;

http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2009/07/29/stimulus-funds-art-houses-showing-pervert-revues-underground-pornography/

Megan Fox is not trying to be Angelina Jolie (anymore)

Lately Megan Fox is all butthurt about people comparing her to Angelina Jolie, which I guess I can understand because I hate it when people compare me to dashing millionaire Bruce Wayne. The difference here is I don't make it a point to wear a big black cape and a fucking batman logo on my chest while bitching that people keep trying to compare me to that other guy in a batsuit.

The other difference here is that, unlike me and Bruce Wayne, there is really no comparison;

• Angelia Jolie has been in (I believe) 37 movies, including 'Girl Interrupted' which was fucking exceptional. She has another movie in post production and is in another one that is in development.

• Megan Fox has been in Transformers and Transformers 2 which honestly both sucked although I am not blaming her exclusively on this; there was enough suck to go around. She has a movie in post production where she plays a slutty sex demon, which I support, but it is probably still not going to be in the ball park of 'Girl Interrupted'.

• Angelina has won an Oscar and been nominated by pretty much every award granting body involved in film - Academy Awards, BAFTA, Golden Globes, SAG .... you name it and she has been nominated for it.

• Megan Fox has been nominated 4 times, the biggest being the Mtv Movie awards and The Teen Choice Awards for, among other things, 'Best Liplock'.

Oh wait I know ....as a time saver lets just skip to the most important one;

No one looks at Angelina Jolie and says "Wow, it sure looks like she is trying hard to be (insert name here) - same look, similar tattoo placement, always strikes similar poses ... how really sad that she is trying so hard"

Oh and Angelina never had to say this;

"I think its cause she has tattoos really, I think a lack of creativity on the media's part," Fox said. "I am a brunette with tattoos, I curse and I have made mention of sex before. I joked about it which people find outrageous so they want to constantly compare that to her. You know Shia is the new Tom Hanks, Rhianna is the new Beyonce. Everybody is the new somebody although none of us are any of those people so you just walk around with it you live with it."

On a related note - Shia LeBeouf is obviously not the next fucking Tom Hanks. For one thing I don't recall Tom Hanks fucking up an Indiana Jones movie (once again - enough blame to pass around) or making awkward comments that made people think he wanted to fuck his mother.

Link below to the newest article about Megan Fox not trying to be Angelina Jolie;

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,535584,00.html??test=faces

Ivanka Trump is more fun to look at then Joan and Melissa Rivers

I couldn't handle having the picture below of Joan and Melissa Rivers at the top of my blog any longer - especially since I made the mistake of looking closely at the Joan/Melissa picture and realized one of them was wearing a transparent shirt ... which I usually support but not like this.

So here is Ivanka Trump and her amazing rack.

It seemed more relevant to the story below than another picture of Wonder Woman.

Joan Rivers pissed at Good Day Sacramento

First of all sorry about the picture - but if I apply the Madonna rule too widely it soon loses it's meaning.

I didn't realize Joan Rivers was still alive until I got sucked into the car wreck called 'Celebrity Apprentice" - which honestly I only watched the first time because of the inescapable draw of Tom Green and Andrew Dice Clay as a duo.

I ended up watching it all the way to the almost end (I got bored during the finale and turned it off and instead spent some time looking at pictures of Ivanka Trump and her huge rack) and one thing became pretty obvious by the time the show was almost over - well two things actually....

1. Joan Rivers is a raving bitch with an almost mythical sense of self worth.

2. Mellissa Rivers has ridden her raving bitch-mom's coat-tails her entire life

The odd thing about Melissa is she seems like she is actually competent, just not as competent as she thinks. She comes off somewhere between adoring daughter and fawning bootlick lackey, it is really pretty disgusting to watch.

I know the show made Clint Black look like quite the misogynist - but honestly he must be as noble as fucking King Arthur to not have smacked Joan in the fucking mouth when she would shift from pouting mode to tantrum mode.

The point to this whole thing is this (btw - there is a slight delay in the audio);

It's pretty bad when even a local news person knows your daughter is a fucking toadie. It's too bad people are paying attention to them actually - because I think if we all just refused to look maybe they would go away.

Marilyn Manson is a tough guy now

First off - Marilyn Manson falls under the 'Madonna' rule (I did not invent the Madonna rule btw - but I totally agree with it and adopted it) I follow for pictures on my blog. Instead I have posted a picture of his ex - Dita Von Teese, so go ahead and thank me for that.

So Marilyn has decided that he is going to be a tough guy now and throw out a few Internet threats to critics that don't like his music. Usually at that point you would yawn and shrug but there is a bit more to it.....

"If one more 'journalist' makes a cavalier statement about me and my band, I will personally or with my fans' help, greet them at their home and discover just how much they believe in their freedom of speech," Manson warns. "I dare you all to write one more thing that you won't say to my face. Because I will make you say it. In that manner. That is a threat."

Since most Jr. High School girls could probably beat the fuck out of his weird sickly ass he has decided that he is going to go all gangster and bring his boys. Seriously this is the one guy that I would put money on Perez Hilton beating in a fight, but I guess he has planned for that and is planning on bringing a crew with him so that he can have someone else man up and do the fighting.

Seriously if you are going to dare someone to say something to your face don't fucking turn around and talk about showing up with a bunch of lackeys to do the fighting for your punk ass. If you want to do something man to man with someone then have some balls and show up alone. Or better yet, let the shit they say just roll off your back - when you are an entertainer there is always going to be someone that does not like your shit. Get over it.

All joking aside his statement is a total bitch move and for once I don't feel like the most immature person in the room.

New York's newest export - the homeless

New York has found a way to deal with their homeless.

Sort of.

New York City is buying one-way plane tickets for homeless families to leave the city. It's part of a program by Mayor Michael Bloomberg'sadministration to keep the homeless out of the expensive shelter system, which costs $36,000 a year per family.

I found it kind of fun to imagine the planning meeting involved in this caper (mostly because I am really bored);

Mayor Bloomberg; "There sure are alot of homeless people in New York ..... maybe we should do something about that..."

Assistant; "Yes sir! We can aggressively enforce panhandling and public camping laws and we can start pushing some job training programs to get the willing back into the workforce"

Mayor Bloomberg; "Eh ... I don't want to spend alot of time on this, can we just ship them somewhere else?"

Assistant; "Sure .... I guess we can go to cheaptickets.com and put them on some flights to get them out of here"

Mayor Bloomberg; "........ Well .... I was thinking big shipping crates .... but whatever"

Maybe Kevin Johnson in Sacramento should one better Bloomberg and buy a shitload of Greyhound bus tickets to New York city and give them to his homeless with the promise that when they get to New York they can fly anywhere they want except back to California.

Link to the article below;

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,535241,00.html?test=latestnews

Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds' Pre-Comic Con fight

First of all I had no idea these two were married, mostly because I didn't have a clear notion of who Scarlett was before the Black Widow pictures came out and until recently Ryan was someone that was in alot of movies I skipped (but I hear 'Waiting' is really funny) and a sitcom called 'Two Guys a Girl and pizza parlor' that I watched briefly about thirty years ago. I don't recall if the sitcom was funny but I like things with long awkward names, which is why I named my penis "Cornelieus Q. Fuck".

But I digress.

The two of them got in some kind of fight so Ryan did not go to ComicCon - and although I haven't seen anyone say what they fought about I do now know he is going to be playing Green Lantern in an upcoming movie.

I think, and this is just a theory, that they were probably both in their costumes when the argument started and then they proceeded to fight ... now they are both superheroes (sort of) so I imagine it was pretty rough and costumes were being torn and hair was being pulled. There might have been some scratching but both of them, maybe even some spanking.....

I was going to go on but I need to spend some time alone with the pictures of Scarlett here.

Give me about a half hour - maybe go read the link if you like;

http://entertainment.blogs.foxnews.com/2009/07/28/scarlett-johansson-and-ryan-reynolds-spat-gets-ryan-in-hot-water/?test=faces

Kim Kardashian is single

I don't think I care about this.

When I look at pictures of Kim Kardashian my brain tells me that I should think she's hot but my penis seems to disagree, or maybe it is the other way around - either way it does not result in any arousal or interest.

Kim Kardashian and Reggie Bushappeared to have a fairytale relationship -- but in Hollywood, there often isn’t a happily ever after. Fans were shocked by the announcement on Monday that the two had amicably split

I honestly am not even sure why this chick is famous. I've only seen her in one movie, she was with that guy from that show - the one about black people doing stuff - (Edit Ray J, I knew his name would pop into my head eventually). The movie really was not all that good - there were script and production issues and it doesn't look like her heart was in the blowjob scene.

In any event she is single, go get her.

Here have a link;

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,535065,00.html??test=faces

Woman Stabs boyfriend for masturbating

Holy shit, this chick did more than just stab him for jerking off;

When the Wisconsin woman, 23, arrived home from work yesterday afternoon, she discovered her boyfriend "watching pornography on the TV and masturbating," according to a La Crosse Police Department report. Chagrined, Ferrara argued with Christopher Strabley, 24, called him a "fucking cheater," and kicked him in the groin. Ferrara then allegedly grabbed a kitchen knife and stabbed Strabley in the abdomen. Strabley told cops that she then told him, "You deserve it," while continuing to slash away

It must be really lonely up on that pedestal lady. Thank God most women are more sane than this bitch, otherwise the picture above would have gotten me killed numerous times.

Hell I am going to risk my life with that picture as soon as I finish this post, and then maybe do it again ten minutes after that.

That's how I roll.

Link to the story;

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2009/0715092stab1.html

They always die in threes....

I just remembered after I posted about the Taco Bell dog dieing (which you can see here if you missed it) that Walter Cronkite also died not long ago. I am told celebrity deaths always come in threes .....Walter Cronkite ....the Taco Bell Dog....

Good God - who will be next!!??

If I were a celebrity I would watch my step for the next couple of days.

In a related note it kind of sucks for Walter Cronkite that now that the Taco Bell dog has died the memorials and shit dedicated to him are going fade into the background.

For the health of your fetus

See what Jessica Alba is doing up there? For the health of her fetus she needs to do that to her husband (or anyone she is going to have a baby with) for at least a year before conception. I'm happy to help her get some practice in if she wants to give me a call.

Not only have I been saying this shit forever but my friends have all been saying this for as long as I've known them - it is like some kind of fucking universal logic. Of course most women made the choice not to believe.

not only should you be having lots of oral sex with the father of your baby -- even up to a year before conceiving -- you should also make sure to ingest his seminal fluid. Listen to what I'm telling you: the international medical community is giving you an Rx for oral. Sure, they say frequent intercourse is good, too, but oral is better.

Well look at you now, I think alot of women owe men apologies right about now. I'm not going to gloat or anything, I just want you to do the right thing for your baby.

Oh and remember the article says you need to start a year before conception - that means if you even think you might want to have a kid with someone you should start ingesting his semen now so that you don't have to delay the conception by a year.

I love that once in awhile I can tackle serious health issues on this site, if not for me than for the children.

Oh and thank you science for finally coming up with something good. Link below - to momlogic.com no less;

http://www.momlogic.com/2009/06/is_oral_sex_good_for_your_fetu.php

The Taco Bell dog had a stroke

The Taco Bell dog died.

I see how you are looking at me but seriously - kiss my ass. So far I have not found anything else to write about today other than Annalynn Mccord's birthday, and I don't even really know who the fuck that is - I just know a few of the other sites are covering it for some reason.

Plus it is not like Fox News is not reporting the dead dog story on their front page - where do you think I heard about it? I don't have the type of big Hollywood connections to get this type of info in a phone call.

Maybe some shit will happen later.

P.S. I was going to post a picture of the dog but decided instead to post a hot picture of Yvonne Strahovski from the show 'Chuck' - if you want pictures of dead chihuahuas than make your own site because we don't swing that way around here.

link to dead taco bell dog story on fox news;

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,534415,00.html??test=faces

Ben Roethlisberger accused of rape - just one year later

I don't follow the NFL so I have no particular attachment to Ben Roethlisberger, who now can add 'accused rapist' to his bio along with Super Bowl winner and Celebrity Golfer.

A woman has filed a bombshell lawsuit saying Roethlisberger raped her in a hotel penthouse a year ago, a claim he vehemently denies. The woman never went to the authorities with her story, and it's unclear why she decided to file the lawsuit seeking hundreds of thousands of dollars a full year later.

Since it is unclear let me just clear that up for you Mr. AP reporter - she wants to get paid. Don't feel bad, we cannot all be Batman-esque master detectives like me.

The only problem with the accusation is the fact that it really seems to come out of nowhere - it is almost like this woman wrote a letter to send to Penthouse and decided it was so good that she should just base a lawsuit on it instead.

she said he telephoned her to tell her his television sound system wasn't working and asked her to look at it. She said she was unable to find a technician so she handled it herself because she had been told it was important to please the celebrities.

That is pretty hot - I think she had a real shot at getting into Penthouse with that one.

Still - if it is now ok to just create baseless accusations about celebrities let me just throw out the fact that Megan Fox and the chick from the Harry Potter movies forced me to use my penis on them in great and terrible ways all last weekend and that now I want fifteen zillion dollars in damages or for them to have to do it again five times a year.

Link to story about Ben R. below;

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,534343,00.html

Sam Ronson throws Lindsay Lohan's shit into the street

I really was not going to bother posting this when I heard about it yesterday - but I feel left out since all the other sites that post stupid shit about celebrities are all over it. That is exactly the type of peer-pressure that made me try steroids and heroin - which beats the shit out of meth and creatine by the way.

Anyway Sam Ronson got lesbian angry at Lindsay Lohan and threw her shit in the street and then Lindsay tearfully picked it up while the paps shot film ... some say if you listened close enough you could hear the last little sliver of her pride scream as it died.

It does not really matter why this happened - I once knew a lesbian that told me that in their world you date a girl for two weeks and then break up with her for the next 4 years. She might have said other shit too but I lost interest so I never learned the secrets of lesbian love - maybe I will google it.

If you really have to know you can read the link below.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1201073/Samantha-Ronson-chucks-Lindsay-Lohans-clothes-street-row-Sopranos-actress-Drea-De-Matteo.html

It might suck to live in Iran

So - the story says you cannot execute female virgins in Iran and I guess that is a problem since every once in awhile some woman will get all fucking crazy and want to leave the house without a male relative or speak before being spoken to or some damn thing. Some ingenious Imam however came up with a simple yet brilliant way to take care of the problem and boost military enlistment at the same time....

In the Islamic Republic of Iran it is illegal to execute a woman if she is a virgin, the former guard told the newspaper. So the government arranges "wedding" ceremonies to be conducted the night before executions, and prisoners are forced to have sexual intercourse with a guard.

Raped by her new "husband," a female prisoner is now fit to be put to death.

How romantic - it must be great to live in Iran, unless you have any fucking human empathy at all ... but if you are a brutal misogynist than it is pure tits baby. I consider myself a bit sexually adventurous, but I don't think I could even keep an erection in a situation where I had to marry and rape a virgin that was going to be executed the next day.

Shit, maybe I am a pussy after all.

Link below for all the WoW-Nerds who think this might be a way to finally get laid;

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,534116,00.html?test=latestnews

Gwyneth Paltrow is bitter

Gwyneth Paltrow is reportedly all butthurt that all of the Iron Man 2 publicity features Scarlett Johansson instead of her.

The 36-year-old actress, who returns in the sequel as the superhero's PA Pepper Potts, is said to be angry at Johansson, 24, for stealing her spotlight in the blockbuster flick.

Now the most obvious reason for this would be that Gwyneth looks like the picture above on the left and Scarlett is the picture on the right - yeah the one that is giving even female readers an erection.

To be fair it also might have something to do with the fact that Scarlett is playing a fucking superhero and Gwyneth is playing a fucking secretary. Hey - remember all the posters for The Dark Knight? I saw alot of Heath Ledger and Christian Bayle ... how much Michael Cain was out there - isn't that odd? Maybe it was because he is the fucking butler.

Not that I want to take away the fact that Scarlett makes Gwyneth look like a fucking boy - lets please not lose our focus on how hot Scarlett is.

I need some alone time with one of the pictures above - link is below if you want to read it.

http://www.nydailynews.com/gossip/2009/07/20/2009-07-20_gwyneth_paltrow_jealous_of_younger_iron_man_2_costar_scarlett_johansson.html

Chis Brown is sorry and stuff

Now that Chris Brown posted an apology on youtube maybe it is time for us all to give this young man a second chance.

Oh - wait.... no it isn't.

This fucking guy beat the ever loving shit out of his girlfriend - seriously I have been in fights where neither me or the other guy got hit as many times as she did .... and neither of us possessed a vagina. This isn't a youthful indiscretion like putting your dick in things that were not meant to be fucked - this is beating the shit out of a woman ... which is quite a bit worse.

Fuck him.

TMZ obviously owns the picture above and below is a link to his apology if you want to see it for some reason;

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n4SD6oBvbKY&eurl=http://www.wwtdd.com/&feature=player_embedded

I hate myself for caring....

I think most reality shows suck ass - they started out as an intriguing idea but they were not sustainable. After the first season or two of Survivor pretty much anyone who ever wanted fifteen minutes of 'fame' started conniving to get on one of these monstrosities which in turn made these shows even more contrived than they originally were because now you not only had the producers trying to present a 'story' you also had the 'contestants' trying to create a character.

All of that is beside the point of this post - one of these days I will bore the tens of you that read this site with my very deep thoughts on Reality TV.

The point of this post is that Paula Abdul supposedly might not return to American Idol. I actually fully expect that she will be back on Idol in all her drunken glory just like she has been since the show started roughly five lifetimes ago - but for the moment her manager is trying to make it look like she won't, so I and the other idiots that pollute the Internet kind of have to pretend it might be true for a second.

Still the whole thing kind of reminds me of a promotion the company that makes Trix cereal did back in 1988 (no I did not remember the fucking date - I had to look it up) where you could somehow vote on whether the Rabbit should get to have a bowl of Trix or not. People voted that he should get it but somehow he still got fucked out of them ....

I don't know exactly why I went this direction to make my point - but the point is that I feel like the whole 'Paula (junkie) Abdul might not be on this season' thing is just as fucking phony as the damn Trix thing I just tried to explain. It's just one more fucking contrived piece of reality show bullshit that the networks are laying on you because they think you're stupid.

Problem is when the next season of Idol starts a few million of you will prove them right by watching their fucking singing competition. I'm blameless in this by the way, I'm out once the tears run out during Hollywood week - still I would rather watch it without her fucking constant drunken verbal diarrhea. (No - it is not fucking ironic for me to say that-- because I'm sober when I write this shit)

Below is a link so you can pretend it is real too;

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,533882,00.html?test=faces

Good news fellas

Amy Winehouse is now officially divorced!

Amy Winehouse's tempestuous marriage ended Thursday when the singer and Blake Fielder-Civil were granted a divorce by a judge in London.

Divorce papers filed with the court stated that Fielder-Civil found living with Winehouse "intolerable." Winehouse acknowledged adultery and said she would not contest the divorce.

It's like the fucking stars are aligning for men right now. At this moment Amy Winehouse is on the prowl and ready for some hot loving (and possibly some crack) - can you be the man that brings it to her? Pictures like the one above usually fall under my 'Madonna' rule - but I just had to put up something to get you going before catching a plane to London.

Now finish masturbating the picture above and get the hell out there before someone else beats you to her. Oh - and it might be a good idea to stop and get some crack on the way to improve your chances ... oh and penicillin.

In a possibly related note - can you even fucking imagine how bad this broad must be to be intolerable to Blake Fielder? I think even most crackwhores would rather have a frolicking threesome with Andy Dick and a goat than make out with this guy.

Link is below so you don't think I'm just getting your hopes up for nothing;

http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5gAdSOcbHWvxv4ETVdIqyrJkIEqDAD99FGGH00

One step closer to the future

I am pleased to announce that we are finally taking the first step to creating an unstoppable army of killing machines. I know some of you are pointing at our Predator drones and thinking that we already took step one ... but Predators can be stopped - Schwarzenegger killed one pretty easily back before he moved on to killing the state of California. Hell Danny Glover killed a Predator - and you can probably kick Danny Glover's ass.

Oh yeah - and that fuel thing, you can kill all the Al-Qaedas you want with a Predator until you run out of fuel.

Well not anymore boys and girls...

A Maryland company under contract to the Pentagon is working on a steam-powered robot that would fuel itself by gobbling up whatever organic material it can find — grass, wood, old furniture, even dead bodies.

Now there are some that would say that building robot killing machines that feed off the corpses of their victims might not be the best idea - but I personally think it's pretty sweet.

That's pretty much it - I don't have any big philosophical thing to say. I just think it would be cool to have an army of robot killers that feed on the corpses of our enemies. I do have two suggestions however.

1. Make them look fucking horrifically scary - all of our robots thus far look gay as hell, and by gay I don't mean 'stylish' ... I mean out robots/drones look like they love cock. Make our enemies think Jigsaw from the 'Saw' movies has been made Secretary of Defense.

2. Find a way to make American corpses less delicious to our robot killers than foreign corpses. some might say this probably should have been #1 on the list - but I stand by my priorities.

I am almost sure this whole thing is going to be a hell of alot less cool than I want it to be.

Article below;

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,532492,00.html?mrp

Don't worry - Jackson's brothers are going to be ok

So, turns out if I would have actually read the article instead of just passing my hands over the screen and making a guess at the contents I would have found out that all is not lost.

It turns out that Jackson's brothers (pictured above - probably less happy then they are now) are also going to be able to cash in on his death. I have to say that I was a bit worried that they would not be able to somehow remain attached to his teat now that he was in the ground. I, for one, am relieved.

The King of Pop's siblings are themselves involved in a venture that has become much more lucrative since his death.

Jacko's five remaining brothers were filming an A&E pilot for what they hoped would be a reality series about them launching a reunion tour.

While the five initially agreed to be paid a total of between $200,000 and $300,000 for the pilot, they now want to add footage of Michael's funeral into the mix -- and boost their take to "between $10 million and $20 million," the family source said.

I am a pretty cynical person so it's rare that I'm ever much surprised at the depths people will sink in life - but this has been refreshing .... I expected wanton greed and estate snatching but they did not stop there, it's nice to see people going the extra mile and really digging in. It's good that his brothers ...um .... care so much.

My brother would have to actually film a sex tape where he and his girlfriend screwed on my corpse before cooking it and eating it for nourishment to even come close to the love displayed by the Jackson brothers - and my brother is way too lazy for that.

Maybe that made less sense than I planned - but I think you get me.

Same link;

http://www.nypost.com/seven/07142009/news/nationalnews/mother_lode_for_jacko_ex_179174.htm

Debbie Rowe sold her kids - anyone suprised?

Or at least she sold somebodies kids - I am totally confused on who the actual biological breeders were that created the children formerly owned by Michael Jackson. In any event Katherine Jackson is now the proud owner of the three children after the family paid Debbie a cool 4 million dollars to get her to sign off on the pink slips. She got a hell of alot more than what the little girl from 'Slum Dog Millionaire' was going for - so .. um ... good for her I guess...

Michael Jackson's baby mama Debbie Rowe has sold her kids again -- this time squeezing about $4 million from her former mother-in-law in exchange for giving up her parental rights

Joe Jackson probably figures that he will recoup that in short order - call me cynical but I am sure he and his (alleged) lord Satan have all kinds of colorful pie-charts and graphs showing what the initial return on investment (ROI to us business types) will be be. I doubt the cost of ownership will be all that high since the back of Joe's hand is free.

Joe is one step closer to pimping out the new 'Jackson 3' - how long before he starts painting targets for Kim Jung Il ... how long America?

Link to the article I skimmed below;

http://www.nypost.com/seven/07142009/news/nationalnews/mother_lode_for_jacko_ex_179174.htm

Holy Crap - WTF Happened to Brendan Fraser!?

Did he get that sex reassignment thing like Chastity Bono (Still trying to figure that one out) and then get knocked up by some hunky male co-star on a movie set!?

He looks fucking pregnant ... fucking Encino Man is going to have damn twins, first George Lucas shows us that Indiana Jones is a decrepit old pussy and now fucking Encino Man is pregnant -- Oh and even as we speak Stephan Sommers and Paramount are fucking up G.I Joe.

Why don't you people just shoot my coming-of-age years in the Goddamn head and get it over with?

Joe Jackson's newest bid for the Nobel Prize - The Jackson 3

I actually feed on tears and suffering -- no shit, I am a hell of a nice guy, but it is the tears of others that give me the succor required to keep me here... well that and a shitty job with the government.

Even I have my limits though, I actually hope Joe Jackson (Seen above in what I presume is his super villain costume.) is not lining up Michael Jackson's kids up for the same child exploitation that is apparently his superpower.

Jackson’s biographer Ian Halperin said yesterday: "Joe wants the children to go on a world tour in 2010. He has also already offered recording contracts to two of Michael’s kids. Now he is talking about getting them the world’s best backing band and taking them on tour as The Jackson Three."

This very special bastard must have some kind of super villain checklist.

1. Promote my new record label at press conferences about my sons death

2. Turn his memorial service into a fabulous 'turn key' operation for profit

3. Get some press for Jessie and Al

4. Have sex with Satan

5. Pimp my dead sons kids out to the world in any way possible

6. 'Paint' U.S. targets for North Korean missiles

Given the fact that this motherfucker has done 1, 2, 3, and now might be doing #5 that makes me a bit worried about number 6.

Any bets that he already marked #4 as 'done'?

Below is the the link to the people that either uncovered or made up this story;

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,531940,00.html?test=faces

Jessica Simpson dumped - Dallas fans will probably riot in joy

Or at least Dallas Fans would riot if they lived in Los Angeles - we love our riots in California, I am just glad they did not besmirch the touching circus that was the Michael Jackson memorial.

Apparently he (Tony Romo) did it the night before her 29th birthday ... so ... um happy birthday, you are almost thirty so along with another year of 'chick depreciation' you are also single. I feel so bad for women that they lose half their value at thirty, good thing she has talent, education, and intelligence to fall back on. Ok, no seriously maybe a reality T.V show? Does anyone see an 'Idiot of Love' show on VH1 coming out of this?

I presume Jessica looked all sad just like in the picture above, I would usually try to say something humorous at this point - but it is Jessica fucking Simpson, what the hell can you say?

If you hate your life enough to read the story here is a link;

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,532282,00.html?test=faces

God - why do you kill people that are not Lindsay Lohan?

The picture above is the only picture I like of Lindsay Lohan - you can look at it and pretend she's dead. Seriously of all the shit I hate she is definitely on the upper end of my 'celebrity broads I hate' list. Maybe top 10 depending on who is on T.V. at the moment - it is a pretty dynamic list. Not just because she is a ginger (you know - one of those redheads cursed with freckles) because I have seen like three differant redheads I would have sex with even if I am not drunk.

No I hate her because of her soul - the fact that she is a ginger skank that looks like she has questionable hygiene (at best) is just gravy.

So this strung out slut (Lindsay Lohan - in case you thought I changed subjects) was locked out of her boyfriend Sam Ronson's house (EDIT: wait - you are kidding me - that is a fucking chick!?) and she wanted to be inside instead of outside. Now to be fair - for once she did the opposite of what a strung out whore would do and called a locksmith. I honestly would have expected her to break the window by throwing somebodies baby through it.

After that things were handled in an adult manner ..... or, you know, not ....

The 23-year-old star walked around the entrance of the house as the locksmith started working on the door, watched by Lindsay's pal Christy.

She then found an open window and exclaimed, "What the f***, the lock just came undone. You know what sir, we already got in, thanks. We just broke in. We just found a way in."

She then refused to pay the man's call out fee, claiming he was asking for $300

I know that one thing we common people love is when we are called out in the middle of the night to be treated like a fucktard and not get paid. If I were this locksmith I think I would just devote my life to following Lindsay around and changing the fucking locks of anything she wanted to get into, of course I would have to come up with a fancy super villain costume and a cool name and .... meh - it would be just easier to smack the shit out of her - yeah he should have done that.

Link if you really need more details on this gripping story of stupid.

http://www.ebar.com/news/article.php?sec=news&article=3839

So I guess Hayden P. reads this site....

That is the only logical explanation I have for the fact that she is wearing shit like in the picture above. She apparently found out I had lost interest in her and she is now trying to cleverly lure me back - I hope she does not go to far and burst into my office with nothing but knee-pads and lip-gloss, because .... that would be going to far.

I also assume that Megan Fox is going to come wash my Mustang like she did Michael Bay's Ferrari - oh - and that Wonder Woman is going to bust in here any moment and force me to make love to her.

Wow - I have a busy day planned.

This should go well...

So today God knows how many people will be flooding down to be somewhere near the Staples Center in L.A. to ... I dunno celebrate maybe? ... the death of Michael Jackson, who I am told (constantly lately) was the King of Pop. 

Since the fine people of Los Angeles riot when they are happy (Lakers championship win) or angry (Rodney King beating acquittals) I think we all have a fair idea what will be coming now that they are sad. I know the memorial starts pretty early - so there should be plenty of time to get a good spot for when the rioting starts. 

I think it is kind of ironic that the Ringling Brothers circus is going to be setting up at the Staples Center following the memorial ... which seems to me like it would be like having to be the comedian that goes after Seth Rogan or George Carlin or something, or going to a club and being a whore an hour after Paris Hilton (or Joe Jackson) arrived.

Yeah - that last one. 

All I know is tomorrow after they put out the fires I am going downtown to buy a lion out of the trunk of some guys car - because looting is the only way to adequately deal with happiness/anger/loss. 

Here is a link to CNN's blog for up to the minute coverage on the MJ memorial .... if you click it than all I can say is I hope you life gets better at some point. 

http://marquee.blogs.cnn.com/

Is anyone else already tired of Hayden Panettiere

I remember back when I briefly thought Hayden Panettiere was cute - I don't specifically recall when it was, but it seems like a long time ago... maybe a bit before 'Heroes' came out. 

Now I just find her really fucking annoying - and it is not because she did something to me personally - there is just something about this stubby little blonde that rubs me the wrong way. I any event I read two pieces of news about her today and that brought her back to my attention.

The first is that she is single again - which honestly, who fucking cares? 

The second is that her tattoo (pictured above) is misspelled - which is always good for a laugh. Even better is her reaction to news that her fucking tattoo is misspelled. 

She tells WENN: “It is misspelled, whatever, I just put my own spin to it. Chances are I’ll probably get it fixed, but that’s why I love having it on my back because I don’t get bored of it. I don’t have to stare at it all the time, but then you have it on your back and you don’t realize that it’s misspelled either!”

Now I am not a brain scientist or a professional pornographer or anything - but I would say that if you are going to use words in your tattoos they should be words you know how to fucking spell. That way when you see the pre-needle version the tattoo artist transfers or draws onto your skin you can point out 'that is misspelled' and get it corrected prior to it becoming permanent. At least that is how it worked with the two tattoo artists I have been to -- maybe when you are a rich celebrity you go to tattoo artists that just do the shit free hand without inking it first.

Like I said - you do have to know how to spell the damn thing in the first place - think of that before you get your cool Chinese character or Latin phrase needled on. 

This is why the only words I have inked on my body are 'Mr. Fuck' - and even then it almost got fucked up and could have ended up being 'MR Fuck' - which would have made all the handicapable people pissed at me again. 

Whatever - I only barely give a fuck. Link below if you want to read more about this blond vapid half midget. 

http://blogs.nypost.com/popwrap/archives/2009/07/hayden_talks_tattoo_love_blunders.html

Sometimes you have to make your own rainbow

I don't even know what the fuck that even means, however I can say no matter how bad your life is you can always look at Gary Coleman and feel a little better about yourself. 

Over the weekend poor Gary's amazonian (she stands 5'5") apparently put the pimp hand to his ass to bring him back in line, and he found out the hard way she was not just some scared fan he could run over in a car. 

"F--- you and f--- him!"Shannon Price screamed before her arrest Wednesday night.

"You deserve this after how you treated me!" she shouted at Coleman as the "Diff'rent Strokes" star stood amidst toppled furniture, scattered DVDs and strewn clothes.

He is gonna need to cash-call his ass some bodyguards or something - and the medical examiners better bring the rape kit to this one. 

**note** I only read half the article - it may not be nearly as cool as what I pictured in my head.

http://www.nydailynews.com/gossip/2009/07/02/2009-07-02_actor_gary_colemans_wife_shannon_price_arrested_for_domestic_violence.html