Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Hey Television Why do you lie?

Let me start by saying there is nothing in this world that could compel me to post a current picture of Janice Dickinson. When I see her now I can't believe I masturbated to pictures of her when she was younger. 

Now on with the show...

The other night my wife told me that they were going to lock Janice Dickinson in a tank that was filling with water and alligators, and once I remembered who the hell Janice Dickinson was I was down for that. 

It was pretty disappointing. She did not die, hell she was not even maimed, and she had to go back to her camp and tell all the other glamorous celebrities that she failed - which in this case meant Lou Diamond Phillips because I did not have a clue who the hell the other people were. 

When they went to commercial I found out that the name of the show is "Something something Celebrity something".

Wait, what? 

Seriously, does anyone else think these people are celebrities? The rest of the cast was basically the two fat guys that are not Alec Baldwin, That effeminate Indian (dot not feather) kid that sang poorly on American Idol, and those two retards that someone had to explain to me were from some Mtv show (hey Mtv - go back to showing music so you can stop sucking so much) - oh and I think the black guy might have been from something sports related. The fact that the show was a shitload of stupid is almost besides the point. I felt so strongly about this for about 5 minutes that I decided to write a strongly worded letter to the people that run television - you know like the U.N. does when crazy ass dictators build nuclear weapons or support genocide.

Dear Television People;

Reality show contestants are not celebrities, retards from shows that pretend to be reality shows are also not celebrities. People who play professional sports might be celebrities - but you should see if they are in any shoe or sport drink advertisements before casting them. You should be fucking ashamed when a show that uses the word "Celebrity" in the title does not even rise to the level of "Celebrity Fit Club" - which also made baby Jesus cry. I hate you so much.

P.S. thanks for bringing back "Scrubs". 

Somehow I don't think they will listen and we will continue to have whiny reality (and pretend reality) show fucktards shoved down our throats. Let me make the next reality show for these bastards to be on - It will be like having the Movie Saw 3 take place on the Titanic while chimpanzies are rampaging and eating feet on the upper decks. 

I am not even sure that last line made sense but I am liking it. I have to package this idea off to the right people.

Dear Televison People,

Please help me make Celebrity Saw Titanic Monkey Fight a reality.