Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Father of the Year

I tried pretty hard not to totally shit on Michael Jackson's death a few days ago (not to mention Elvis) but it turns out I needn't have bothered. Joe Jackson, Jesse Jackson (no relation), and Al Sharpton have decided they they would go ahead and shit on MJ's death just prior to dividing up and consuming the corpse. 

They started the healing process with a press conferance full of crazy - some of the healing is quoted below;

  • Joe Jackson says the funeral will not be closed to the public, as his son would likely have wanted a similar type of service.
  • In a bizarre move that came across as self-serving, Jackson bookended the press conference not with news on his son's death but with plugs for a new musical endeavor—something called Ranch Records.
  • "[MJ's Kids] are happy with the kids that they're around ... We have kids back there who are small just like they are. They [were] never around other kids," Jackson said.
  • "We love those kids still," he said. "We're going to take care of them and give them the education they're supposed to have. We can do that.
It is fucking heatwarming the way they 'still' love his kids - I just hope none of them can sing or dance or Joe is going to shove a bit into their mouth and ride them into the ground before sharing their corpses with those other two ghouls.

I presume they followed that up with funeral preparations - just normal stuff like getting T-Shirts printed up, getting kickbacks from vendors who want to set up booths, setting the price of admission, and I presume considering any other way they can possibly make money from this ... I would not be suprised to be able to buy jewlery made of his bones. Oh - and a commemorative coin has to be on the way but I cannot blame that on them ... apperantly the Franklin Mint has decided that the really classy way to handle anything is to put it on real Liberian Currency. Just once I want to walk into a Liberian mini-mart and buy a coke with a handful of Elvis and Obama coins - this would be followed up with me dodging their machettes and AIDS to make my heroic escape. 

Yeah -- that about wraps it up.

Link to the father of the year;